I’ve been itching to blog… yesterday. Perhaps I’m still on this high from hanging out with “Cuisine” yesterday. I mean, the hangout was good. The days leading up to the hangout were long. I was sorta dreading the day. I kept w0ndering why he kept in contact with me and why he wanted to hangout… Every question imaginable came to mind and they wouldn’t stop. At one point, I was going to call it off and make up an excuse to not go… but I figured.. hey.. You only live once, and its best to take those risks, share those happy moments with the ones you love and care for.. and just live life. So I agreed to go. The meet up was initially suppose to be held in my neck of the woods.. but because there are dangerous creatures here.. I figured, we should meet somewhere else. It really isn’t the greatest or safest city to be in… If I don’t think you can cut it out here… then you’ll never come around here.. I do think about your safety.. Luckily, he agreed. hahaha… (I had other reasons too for moving the meeting site)…
So big day came about… I got there early and started thinking… What were we going to do? What were we going to talk about? Same stuff? Yep.. We talked about the usual stuff we talked about the last time.. From nursing school, to finding employment, to LA, to SLP, to music, to going out, to family, to drunkenness… to vices.. same old story came up. It was just an update meeting.. What else were we going to talk about? There were times where he went back to occurrences that happened in our other school… I just kept quiet about those and just.. laughed it off. Maybe if we hung out more.. we’d be able to talk about other stuff.. I know we would be able to.. but we were quite limited to discussions. We tried finding commonalities among one another but they all resorted to the same topics.
At one point we started talking about going out.. I’m not the type to go out. I’m kinda the one who would always be found at home. But he began discussing about some of his adventures.. I contributed with some of the adventures that I had… but the parental limitations that were and still are placed upon this senior student. None the less.. he did add that he’d try to get me out. Which in some ways… seemed kinda.. admiring. Not in that way.. it’s like something I could look forward to.. But we’ll see if that’ll ever happen.
But anyway.. before we left, he surprised me. He hugged me. Earlier, as he was coming, I wanted to hug him.. but the awkward Ness that I am.. didn’t. So he went straight in to the store and ordered. But to the end.. before we left, it definitely seemed he really wanted to do it, but was hesitant to do so… But he was like.. You know what, I’m going to give you a hug.. We hugged and I was glad he did it. :D
This hangout definitely made me question.. what his intentions are. Will our friendship develop into something more? Does he see me that way? Should I open myself up and let him in? Should I take this chance and let myself fall into a relationship?
In all honesty… all those questions scare me. I’m scared to let myself get into a relationship. I’m scared of opening myself up to let others in. I’m scared of getting consumed into the relationship, and only to find out.. nothing was really there. I’m scared. I’m scared of taking this risk. But what would life be without it….. right?
So.. I end this post with a quote from ye ol book of faith. ” Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
