This week’s new different.

I don’t know.. Maybe I’m going crazy here but…

I was out to Walmart yesterday ( I needed a new light bulb for my desk lamp- 12v, 20w). Finally saw one in Walmart (freakin’ expensive!).. Just passed their auto sliding doors.. crossed the “Street” into the parking lot. Then I hear a “Hi”. I look up in front of me- a mom and her kids. I assumed that possible the male’s voice was saying “Hi” to someone else, and I wanted to take a look at who it was. I turn to my left directly at the greeters (cart hunters) and the one with the glasses waves. Hmm.. I thought. Probably not waving at me. I turn my head around the opposite direction and see no one else there. Was he waving at me? Why????

Today- While talking with one of the patients… for some reason, we were talking about kids. He asked if I had any. I said no, and he’s said, “we’ll you’re still young. You’re in your 20s…” I answered that currently, I am not interested in having kids. Our conversation gets cut off and I tend to other requests. I later come back to help the same patient and he says… I see you with two kids.. “Huh? Are you a psychic?”… Two kids, huh, mister? Maybe I should have asked who I’ll end up with.. if I end up with anyone at all.

So long sweet summer.

I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
so long sweet slumber
I fell into you, now you’re gracefully falling away
-Dashboard Confessional

This Summer.. has been interesting, anticipating, knowledgeable, at times uneventful, long, short, sad, hectic, hot, cold, rainy, sticky, boring, delicious, interesting, hilarious, “hey I can’t believe I saw him”, smoke-filled making it hard to breathe, nose congesting, sneeze-ful, cough-ingly hard to manage, scream-ful, filled with beautiful images of scenery that one can ever imagine could exist in such a place.

Maybe this summer wasn’t so bad after all.

This summer included:

1.) Getting to see all seasons of LOST and seeing the last episode. :(
2.) Saw my cousin (twice removed)’s 1st birthday. :)
3.) Had my first “argument”, in which I took a stand for myself to those above me. Turns out that if you don’t kiss up to certain people in higher authority, you won’t get anywhere.
4.) Learned somethings about myself: I can do it on my own.
5.) It’s true what they say: “What momma don’t know, won’t hurt her”, or you for that matter.
6.) Hanging out with someone for a long period of time… you really get to know a lot about the person. Especially when you let your conversations wander. You have to let yourself break down those walls that constrict your imagination and allow yourself for a time to just wonder… and let yourself be revealed. Thanks TA.
7.) Getting to Rex Navarrete IN PERSON! I enjoyed every bit of his show at the Pala.
8.) Cooking/Eating: Enchiladas- yummy Enchiladas, baking cakes- layered, chocolate covered strawberries (bananas- idea was a mess and it was hard to bite into), past time pie.
9.) Heading out to: Laughlin, Nevada.
10) Going on roller coasters: Left the hesitations behind and went on most of the big rides in Knotts. I’d like to give myself a pat on the back for a job well done.
11.) Joined a tour to: Springdale, Utah: Zion National Park.  Bryce Canyon City, Utah: Bryce Canyon (Pictures uploaded). Page, Arizona: Lake Powell, Las Vegas, Nevada: Circus-Circus
12.) A trip to the Getty Museum- There’s a new appreciation for the arts that I surely have managed to produce. Seeing that photography exhibit there.. makes me want to take more pictures of anything and everything that goes on around me. I want to be able to capture those moments.. even for just that instant.. to share and give an insight to those that view those images.
13.) Continuous Volunteering. Well not exactly continuous… but I have been going every week.
14.) Movies: Toy Story 3, Karate Kid, Despicable Me, Inception, Step Up 3 (this is the most movies I’ve seen within 3 months)
15.) Getting my wisdom teeth pulled out. W/ Nitrous Oxide… great.
16.) Unfortunately, not enough bowling.
17.) Universal Studios: New King Kong 360 3D exhibit on the Studio Tour!! Wow! AND Revenge of the Mummy ride, Terminator3D, the Simpsons, Shrek 4D, the Special Effects Stage.. and City Walk.
18.) Getting a pool table.

Maybe my break wasn’t all that uneventful…

A moment’s glance.

We enter into the room.

Unaware of each other’s presence, we continue through the routine we become accustom to in such a setting.

A basketball game.

We swatch glances at each other, unaware of the other’s watch. When I first see you, I make a little joke to myself about the resemblance you took on of a popular internet character. Each you time you pass, my initial assumptions become confirmed.

For a moment, as you sit just a few feet from me, I feel you glancing my way. Could it be that you’re looking right at me? I try glancing your way, but you’re talking to her.

The games over. Your team Wins.

We walk out. I’m a couple steps behind you. I’m quickly diverted into a conversation with another.

A chance for an introduction is ruled out. We again become strangers.

Tentative:

not fully worked out or developed.(MerriamWebster)

Zee Avi- “The Story”

This Week

This week…

Monday: Went out with a friend to watch “The Karate Kid” starring the Jackie Chan and Will Smith’s kid, ‘Shou-Dre’ as he was dubbed in the movie. What can I say about the movie. I’m not that hard to please. The quirkiness that each of the main characters brought to the movie were funny and good. For some reason, in this movie, I saw a different side of Jackie Chan. An older, and perhaps slower paced Jackie. I’m use to seeing him with a younger youthful glow, fighting the bad guys… someone who had a purpose, someone who had to save someone. And as I sit here writing this, I realize that I’m applying the stereotypical Asian with the kick ass powers of “kung fu”. In this movie, we finally see a different side of Jackie, whose other emotional side we’re not use to seeing. In this movie, Jackie made me tear up. Yes I admit it. Jackie made me cry. I don’t know if it’s just the “girliness”- side of me that’s coming out.. or just really good acting. Jackie you did a good job! Moving on, I’m too fond of the storyline. (SPOILER ALERT) New kid on the block gets bullied. New kid hates mom for moving, new kid finds a friend in an unrealistic older guy, new kid gains skills, new kids beats bully.

Tuesday: Dentist appointment- fillin’ in them cavities. Fill ‘er up. *ding ding*.

Wednesday: Rested at home. Again. Taking up space and oxygen.

Thursday: Volunteered- Busy morning. New CNA there. Kinda got on my nerves. Made me do more work than my usual routine. I’d ask him to help me out.. and he just blows me off and leaves… What the heck? Talked to a another patient who was formally an RN. Admitted with chest pain. I didn’t read the chart… however, I did notice some psychosocial problems with the patient and the her family. Daughter told the doc something regarding agitation and the mother, and when the mother was discussing something with the doc about family matters and how they felt about the family’s involvement with their care, the doctor rudely shut them out and stated that the patient had to talk to their family about that and that the doctor could not help them in that situation.
Baking class: People, people, people. Were so rude. I kind of regret taking the course, due to the fact that there were so many requirements and other instruments that are needed in order to baking a dang cake. this is going to total over $100.

Friday: 1200AM. TOY STORY 3!!! The best movie I have seen so far this year!! Seriously! I loved it. I didn’t see it in 3d.. but it was well worth it. WORTH every penny. Storyline was great, jokes were hilarious, characters were awesome. If I saw it again, I would laugh just as much! I recommend everyone go see it. Our parents were “You’re staying up all night to watch a cartoon?!!” “Yup,” we simply stated.

Saturday (today): Went out to buy father’s day gift. Shoes. Got them. Nice. My mom told me to give it to him today.. I don’t know why… Cousin’s baby’s christening… fun, food, laughs.

Sunday: Father’s day greeting, church, lunch, visit cousin’s new arrival. Home. plan for week’s activities.

Note to self. Must call dentist’s office. Another rescheduling.

Dubbed.

Attentative.

Thank you.

I’m only gonna…

break break your break break your heart.
I’m only gonna break break your break break your heart.
I’m only gonna break break your break break your heart.

I’m only gonna break break your break break your heart.

try getting that outta your head.

Excerpt…

An excerpt from Zalin Grant’s “War Tales: The Sean Flynn I Knew”

“Yeah, I know some people said I led a charge up the hill.  I don’t know what happened. One of the advisers had been badly wounded.  Another American was taking care of him.  The guy in front of me got killed.  Another American stopped with him.  So there was nobody up front.

As you know, when you are in an assault you’ve got to carry the day or you are going to get your ass kicked.  If you turn and run, they will cut you down.  It was a very confusing situation.  I look at the pictures I took, and I still don’t know what happened.

I’m tired of all that now.  I can’t imagine doing it any more.  They’ve all started to look alike now.

So I’ve gotten on to this bike thing.  I want to drive around Asia on a motorcycle.  You are much more in contact with what’s going on. I want to go to Laos and buy a bike and drive around there, then Cambodia” -Sean Flynn

- taken from http://www.pythiapress.com/wartales/flynn.htm Author: Zalin Gran

If we ever meet again…

If We Ever Meet Again- by Timberland featuring Katy Perry

I’ll never be the same – if we ever meet again
Won’t let you get away – said if we ever meet again
This free fall’s, got me so
Kiss me all night don’t ever let me go
I’ll never be the same
If we ever meet again

So I’m.. procrastinating once again. 3 more weeks before the semester is over with. My hopes on getting into the externship for our nursing program looks dim. Don’t think I’ll be getting in (I’m in Waitlist position number one!!) I really do hope I get in. It’ll definitely give me something to do this summer. If I don’t get in… I’m to face either two options: Find a job as a “Student Worker” or simply just find a job elsewhere (DollarTree).. Anything just to keep me busy and up and about. I don’t want this summer to go on yet another waste. I have to do something… Something.

Anyway.. 3 more weeks before the semester is over and I still have a ton of things to do. I feel like… I’m losing it.. my motivation… That force that was driving me to succeed has dissipated into thin air and I’m waving that magic wand frantically, yelling all of the magician’s terms where he reveals the missing object. But it’s gone. Poof. Forever? Hopefully not.  I’ll try not to give up. I’m almost there… right?

Thoughts between papers and projects…

I really dislike it when I’m talking on the internet (IM) and the other person uses the short version of the word… ie your= ur, idk= i don’t know… I mean..I understand if you’re texting me… but you have an entire keyboard in front of you.. Do you really need to use the slang? Come on!! Let’s stop laziness!!

On  happier note… Guys in uniform are cute.. During my morning jogs, I was staring at a SEACCA truck/van and was pondering on questions about the truck/van (I wonder how big those lockers are… Are there animals in there now?… are they at least given some water in there? Do they really need to euthanize the animals that don’t get adopted? Sad!)… then all of sudden the door opens and someone comes out. He looked pretty young… Cute… The way his uniform looked on him was nice. It fit his form and you can see how slender he was…

I think I’m missing the whole boy that’s a friend thing…

Still no luck… And now I am ready to accept the idea that I’ll be that old maid for life.

Until next time…

Some Sounds.

I’m really digging this track from India Arie- “Therapy”.
Now if only I’ll be able to meet someone that’ll be my Therapy. Ha!

Check it out on youtube!!

He lays me on the couch and says
“how has your day been?
Tell me your problems;
I’ll help you solve them.
Come on let’s talk about it”
He sits next to me and smiles.
Listens to all of my words,
Relaxes all of my nerves.

Like breathe in (breathe in)
Let it go (shout it out)
Take deeps breathes and real slow, calm down.
Close my eyes (soft spoke)
Ease my mind (take control)
From my body please
Work your Psychology

You’re taking good care of me
Always been there for me
Boy I can’t bear to leave
Cause I need your therapy

You’ve given me everything
So much I ever could need
Without you I’m so weak in the knees
I need your therapy

He puts his hand on my lower back
his face in my neck and
Says something to make me laugh
Makes me forget I was mad
His touch feels so right
It’s like he’s reading my mind
I need him all the time

Oh oh oh oh oh oh (I-I-I-I need your therapy)
oh oh oh oh oh oh (I-I-I-I need you to come and lay hands on me)
oh oh oh oh oh oh (I-I-I-I need your therapy-therapy-therapy)
oh oh oh oh oh …..
yeaah yeaah

When it feels like I’m losing power
When I feels like a wilting flower
The way you touch me says I’m there for you
It heals me just to hear you say “I Love You”

Mo’ Moosik.

The Script- “The Man who Can’t be Moved”

’cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin’ maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet
And you’ll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I’m not moving, I’m not moving

Music to bring you back to those memories…

This just makes me long to be in Hawaii again…

Hawaii I will return again..

“Shake Me”- Justin Young

His music is really good. From the Hawaiian Islands, this singer is trying to make it big in the mainland. Support Independent, upcoming singers! Check his other music on Justinyoungmusic.com

“All Attached”- Justin Young

A new beat…

for your listening pleasure..

A play of words, so melodic in this jazzy lyrical beats. Plus an awesome concept and get together.

Info all included in the video.

On the speakers…

“Somewhere the Sun” by Jason Harwell

America is in the Heart by Carlos “Allos” Bulosan

After reading about this book in a blog, I’ve place reading this book in my “To Do list”. For a very long time, I’ve been putting off reading this book. Finally, after finding this book at the local library (and for being bored during this winter break) I decided to check it out and read it. The placement and flow of the words that Mr. Bulosan has constructed into this literary work is very inspiring and awe-ing. I really like reading about real life stories of individuals. This is a must read for those that want to read about some Filipino history in California pre-WWII

Quotes from the book:

Now, toward midnight, we were on our way to the village to work all the harder because we would have no more land. What words of great conviction were said when my father got up from his seat, I had not heard, and if I had, they were forgotten in the sudden rush of conflicting emotions.

For a long time it seemed that my father and I could find nothing to do except to go to some farmer’s rice field and help in the harvesting. But my father was a farmer, not a hired laborer. It humiliated him to hire himself out to someone. Yet he was willing to swallow his pride and forget the honor of his ancestors.

“There is something wrong in our country when a man can take away something that belongs to you and your family,” he said, looking at his hands again and standing silently for a long time.

I was getting restless and tearful of the uncertainty that pervaded our household. I felt like running away- anywhere. I wanted to cast off the sudden gloom that shadowed our family, and I thought the only way to do that was to escape from it. I would also be escaping from my family, and from the bitter memories of childhood… “I am leaving now, Father,” I said one day… My father said nothing. He simply looked at me. He was trying hard to hold back the tears that were gathering in his eyes. He was remembering and looking through me into the uncertain future and the dark fate that awaited me there, and his mouth trembled a little because he knew what it was I was forsaking, what I was plunging into so desperately, because he, too, had been young once and broken by a wall that stood between him and the future.

When you dance for the first time, the world is like a cradle upon the biggest ocean in the universe. There are no other sounds except the beating of your hearts, and when the wild blaring of the trumpet and the savage boom- boom of the drum bring near you, and you want to apologize to her but the words are stuck in your throat. Suddenly you become conscious of the staring people around you, appraising you with obscene eyes and lascivious tongues, and slowly you lead the beauteous creature in your arms back to her seat. Then the orchestra becomes a cymbal of crashing noises, meaningless and riotous, and you return to your corner, trembling with cold and sudden fear. You who are circumscribed by fear. Then you, too, are one among them, prisoned by their fears and the ugliness of their lives. You go to the window and lean far out, savoring the bitter tastes on your tongue….

The man said something, but they had already turned and the wind carried it away. I was to hear that girl’s voice in many ways afterward in the United States. It became no longer her voice, but an angry chorus shouting: “Why don’t they ship those monkeys back where they came from?”

[...]Pinoy (which is a term generally applied to all Filipino immigrant workers)…

I sat and watched them sitting solemnly, as though there were no more happiness left, as though life had died and would not live again. I could not converse with them, and to be part of their life. I wondered what I had in common with them beside the fact that we were all on the road rolling to unknown destinations.

I came to know afterward that in many ways it was a crime to be a Filipino in California. I came to know that the public streets were not free to my people: we were stopped each time these vigilant patrolmen saw us driving a car. We were suspect each time we were seen with a white woman. And perhaps it was this narrowing of our life into an island, into a filthy segment of American society, that had driven Filipinos like Doro inward, hating everyone and despising all positive urgencies toward freedom.

I almost died within myself. I died many deaths in these surroundings, where man was indistinguishable from beast. It was only when I had died a hundred times that I acquired a certain degree of immunity to sickening scenes such as [those that] took place this night, that I began to look at our life with Nick’s cold cynicism. Yet I knew that our decadence was imposed by a society aloes to our character and inclination , alien to our heritage and history. It took me a long time, then to erase the outward scars of these healed and forgotten. They jarred my equilibrium now and then and always, when I came face to face with brutality, I was afraid of what I would do to myself and to others. I was terribly afraid of myself, for it was the beast, the monster, the murderer of love and kindness that would raise its dark head to defy all that was good and beautiful in life. It was then that I would cry out for the resurrection of my childhood.

… I looked up and saw the sky burning with millions of stars. It was as bright as a clear summer day. The moon was large and brilliant, but its light was mild. I wanted to shout with joy, but could not open my mouth, so awestruck I was by the moonlight. I looked into the bright night sky. I looked without saying  a word. I heard the metallic of the freight train, and I knew that heaven could not be far from the earth.

My sudden discovery of America made me a lost man in the hospital. I felt I could not converse with the other patients because of their intellectual sterility. I acquired a mask of pretense that became a weapon I was to take out with me into the violent world again- a mask of pretense at ignorance and illiteracy, because I felt that if they knew that I had intellectual depths they would reject my presence. I remembered Robinson Crusoe, and compared him with my fate. But my lostness was deeper because I was lonely among men. This loneliness was to encircle my life, to close around it, marring my vision, so that my thoughts were filled with melancholia.

A Revelation…

I can’t believe it!! I think I get now. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out.

And after reading Lady Gaga’s “Eh Eh (Nothing else I can say)”. Thanks Lady Gaga ~two thumbs up~

Anyways… Here’s her music video on youtube:

Cherry cherry
Boom boom
Gaga

Boy we’ve had a real good time
And i wish you the best
On your way, eh eh

I didn’t mean to hurt you
I never thought we’d fall
Out of place, eh eh

I have something that i love long long
But my friends keepa’ tellin’ me
That something’s wrong
Then i met someone
And eh, there’s nothing else i can say

Eh eh, eh eh
There’s nothing else i can say
Eh eh, eh eh
I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh eh, eh eh
There’s nothing else i can say
Eh eh, eh eh

Not that i don’t care about you
Just that things got so complica-Eh eh
I met somebody cute and funny
Got each other and that’s funny- Eh eh

I have something that i love long long
But my friends keepa’ tellin’ me
That something’s wrong
Then i met someone
And eh, there’s nothing else i can say

Eh eh, eh eh
There’s nothing else i can say
Eh eh, eh eh
I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh eh, eh eh
There’s nothing else i can say
Eh eh, eh eh

An interesting quote…

to ponder upon…

“Let us proclaim the mystery of faith”.

Chopped up and dissected:

“Let us”-to allow, give permission: ~We have permission to…~

“Proclaim”- to declare, praise, glorify: ~… announce…~

“the Mystery”- something that cannot be explained ~… an unexplainable..~

“of Faith”- “a strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny” ~”…belief in a power that can control destiny.”

In Summary:
We have permission to announce an unexplainable belief in a power that can control destiny.

And…

I’ve gotta a feeling..deh deh deh deheh eh eh eh.

So this is what it feels like…

Every kind of this event that I’ve read, or heard about leaves me feeling digusted and angry at the ignorance that encompasses those involved. Perhaps this was what I needed to experience for myself…

Okay, so perhaps, we deserved some punishment for holding up the line.. but there was no need for it. My cousin and I lined up in a separate for gift cards at the Edwards Theater. My cousin was in front of me. The person in front of us purchase tickets to see the Avatar movie (more on that later..). We overheard the price and was a little shocked about the price of each ticket ($14.50!!) and were making quick little comments about what to do. My cousin new he was next. Right then… the lady behind me made a comment that it was his turn to get tickets. Just then… she makes another comment. “I don’t speak their language.” I turn my head over to my right and see a guy with long hair chuckle and look over at the lady who made the comment. I then looked ahead of me absorbing what I heard, and then turned around and looked at the lady. She wouldn’t look at me. I didn’t say anything… just gave her a “OMG…. you did not just say that!” look.

Now I’m going through denial of the thing.. Maybe I’m misinterpreting what the lady meant? Maybe she’s directing her comment toward a different culture- age, music, clothing… Young adults not understanding older adults??? I don’t know… I seriously don’t know what to make of the situation.

After discussing the situation with my dad, he offered a different response to the situation. He stated that some people do that to try to get you to stoop down to their level, purposely to (I guess) instigate  a response from you. Hmm… maybe.

But as I sit here writing all this to you… my thoughts wander back to Asian American 300 class and the topic of the “doormat stereotype” of Asians.

Should I have said something?